Thought for the Day:
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Does this look like an interested face?
Writing about golf is my job, and one which I enjoy very much. But like all jobs, there are the odd bits you would rather not do – explain the intricacies of the FedEx Playoff scoring system, for example, or think too deeply about some of the things Tiger Woods has been up to, or interview Sir Nick Faldo, under any circumstances. Added to this short list, I have to confess, is the requirement to show the slightest bit of interest in the Presidents Cup.
There are two main reasons for my resistance. First, it’s a competition that was created, rather than one which evolved, and that’s usually a recipe for failure. As a contrast, consider the Masters. It was initially a private, invitation-only event but for a number of reasons – the high regard in which Bobby Jones was held, the magnificence of the course on which it is played, the ‘shot heard around the world’ by Gene Sarazen in its second staging – it quickly achieved an eminent status that lifted it above run-of-the-mill tournaments and eventually led to it being regarded as golf’s fourth major. In stark contrast, no matter how many times the Americans tell us that their flagship PGA Tour event, the Players (which they now insist on labelling THE PLAYERS) is the game’s fifth major, the rest of the world looks down its nose, says ‘Yeh, right’ and ignores this patently ludicrous claim. So it is with the Presidents Cup, which America would love to believe has the same stature as the Ryder Cup but this level of significance, importance or relevance exists only in the addled and deluded minds of a few people at the US Tour – and I’m not even convinced that they believe it.
The second reason I just cannot get interested in the competition is its predictability. It has now been staged nine times and the scoreline for America reads: Played nine, won seven, tied one and lost one. Such one-sidedness hasn’t been since our own pantomime villain Frank Bruno climbed into a ring with the barely-controlled beast that was Mike Tyson at the peak of his considerable powers. In order for a sporting contest to generate interest, drama or excitement, there has to be a contest, not a lop-sided demonstration of superiority – which is why this season’s Formula One Championship, for example, has been about as interesting as the contents of my handkerchief.
The Americans, of course, don’t care. To them, winning and the supposed glory that accompanies it is all that matters – which is why they ludicrously describe their season-ending baseball event as the World Series, despite it being contested by only three countries – USA, Canada and Puerto Rica.
And so they continue to shout from the rooftops that the Presidents Cup is a major sporting event of global significance when it is, in fact, a less than mildly diverting sideshow of interest only to the participants.
Time to leave the stage
Having mentioned some of the bad parts of writing about golf, it would be remiss not to emphasise that these are far outweighed by the good. And of these, one of the best experiences of all was the opportunity to walk around Muirfield with John Daly during a practice round for the 1992 Open Championship. He had won the previous year’s US PGA Championship at Crooked Stick in blistering style, with a combination of raw power from the tee and delicacy on and around the greens, so I wrote to his management company to arrange an interview at Muirfield and when I met the man at the clubhouse he said: ‘Why don’t you just walk with me and we’ll talk on the way.’
Despite his new status as major winner he was modest, unaffected and far too trusting for his own good (he made a number of unthinkingly injudicious remarks that I didn’t include in my article because he would have been crucified). It was apparent that he didn’t have the aptitude for a life in pursuit of academic or intellectual enlightenment but that was fine – not all pro golfers are bright and most don’t need to be.
Because I liked John so much I have watched with ever-increasing sadness the emotional car crash that his life has become and have very reluctantly concluded that this may now be the time when he should quit the game. He won’t, of course, so perhaps various tournament organisers around the world should make the decision for him. With a current world ranking of 676, John can only play on sponsor invitations but he insists on biting the hand that feeds him. Two weeks ago the Man-child that is Daly walked out of the Australian Open, ostensibly because he had run out of golf balls, having deposited six or seven into a water hazard (people kind of lost count). But the real reason is that he was earlier slapped with a two-stroke penalty for playing the wrong ball out of a bunker – an elementary mistake for someone of his experience. He then made such hasty and half-hearted attempts to clear the fatal water hazard on the 11th hole that it was obvious he was trying to lose his remaining golf balls, to give him an excuse to leave the course. But as usual with John, his cunning plan was so transparent that it fooled nobody. He was, incidentally, seven over par after 10 holes.
Various golf Tours, tournaments and fans around the world have indulged Daly over the years and always been prepared to give him another chance but I really do think that if he will not accept the reality that it’s time he retired, we should perhaps make the decision for him.
TigerWatch
As of November 21, 2011, Tiger Woods is ranked 51st in the world
Quote of the week
When a putter is waiting his turn to hole out a putt of one or two feet in length, on which the match hangs at the last hole, it is of vital importance that he think of nothing. At this supreme moment he ought to fill his mind with vacancy. He must not even allow himself the consolation of religion.
Sir Walter Simpson