Thought for the Day
Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough to pay the fee?
Heart-breaker
Ross Drummond is the very epitome of the journeyman pro. Having first played on the European Tour in his early twenties, in 1977, he stayed there until 2005, taking part in 490 tournaments. But in all those events he never quite managed to record a win – he was runner-up four times over the years and recorded the same number of third-placed finishes. He did achieve a measure of fame when a former musician turned golf writer called Lawrence Donegan caddied for him for a year, as a result of which in 1997 he published the excellent book Four-iron in the Soul, which I cannot recommend highly enough if you enjoy insights into professional golf.
Undaunted by his decades in search of a win, Drummond took to the Seniors Tour, presumably with a song on his lips and hope in his heart, especially as he recorded a tied-sixth spot in his first event, the 2007 DGM Barbados Open. He went on to finish runner-up twice in that rookie season, by the end of which he was a creditable sixth in the money list. A further highlight came in 2009 when, after two days of the US Senior PGA Championship, played at Canterbury GC in Ohio, he led by two. But a poor weekend meant that he slipped to tied-37th.
Fast forward to earlier this month and the Travis Perkins Masters at Woburn. Ross played well throughout the week, especially on the final day but he missed his three-and-a-half foot par putt on the last hole and had to settle for a score of 69. Standing on the 18th tee Colin Montgomerie knew that he needed a birdie to tie and seized the moment, as great champions will. He launched a 270 yard drive that ended 15 yards from the green, chipped to two feet and holed out. In the circumstances Drummond did well to halve the first playoff hole, making a five-foot putt to do it. But on the second extra hole Monty did it again, rolling in an 18-footer to seal the deal and leave Ross Drummond as bridesmaid for the sixth time. In the process Montgomerie became the first ever player to win the same event in three consecutive years, on both the Senior Tour and European Tour (he took the PGA Championship between 1998-2000).
Ross Drummond, meanwhile, at the age of 58 has now played 125 events with the round bellies, as Lee Trevino once described the seniors, and still looks for that first, oh so elusive win. Monty said of his beaten fellow competitor: ‘How can you not feel sorry for someone who played the difficult holes so well? The 15th, 16th and 17th are all good, difficult golf holes and Ross did all the difficult stuff very well. You have to feel sorry for him getting so close, but I am sure this will give him a lot of confidence to go forward.’
Please let him be right.
Get a room
After he made birdie at the 16th hole in the second round of the Made in Denmark event at Himmerland Golf and Spa resort (won by David Horsey), Andreas Hartø made an unusual proposition. He took his girlfriend by the hand, led her out of the gallery to the edge of the green, knelt down and proposed marriage – something he had obviously planned in advance because as soon as he holed out the camera panned onto his girlfriend, and he had an engagement ring ready to offer.
It’s a big, bold romantic gesture but I always feel for the recipient. What if his girlfriend was not sure whether she wanted to marry – she’s then left in the unenviable position of having to say no in front of thousands of people, or accept the offer in public to spare her man’s embarrassment and then discuss it further in private. It’s an invidious position to put someone in, and also suggests a degree of certainty on the part of the proposer we can only hope is justified. Andreas’s timing, however, was probably influenced by the knowledge that the betrothed couple would have the weekend to celebrate – he missed the cut, finishing tied 124th after rounds of 73, 74.
Get outta the hole! (or: Bringing up the Rear)
I am indebted to Private Eye for a story you have missed – and may quite possibly continue to wish you had. It concerns a golf course in Stavanger, Norway, that has a human nocturnal visitor who defaecates into the holes on the greens. He has been doing it since 2005 and the head greenkeeper said: ‘We know it’s a man because the poos are too massive to be from a woman.’ (he can’t know some of the women I know). Not only that, but the mystery crapper also leaves stained toilet paper on the green. To try and foil him the golf course installed high-powered spotlights around his favourite green but he managed to disable them and the GC application to install a surveillance camera has been rejected (although I cannot see why).
Steinar Floisvik, the managing director of the club, said: ‘We’re working on the assumption that it could be someone who hates the game of golf.’
That’s a lot of hate.
Quote of the Week
I never saw any of man’s baser acts of inhumanity to man. I never saw screaming ‘witches’ burned at the stake, Christians tossed to starving lions, maidens pushed over the edge of active volcanoes. I never even saw a man going to the electric chair. But until I do, watching Ben Hogan walk up to a five-foot putt is my idea of cruel and inhuman punishment only a Hitler would enjoy. You feel like saying: ‘Go home to your wife and kiddies and don’t look upon this terrible thing.’
Jim Murray
I had the pleasure of playing with Ross Drummond in a pro-am at Walton Heath in the mid 1980s. He was excellent company and a fine golfer, but struggling a little with his swing. Enjoying a chat over a cup of tea after the round (we are both Scottish so there was some mutual bonding) I recommended him to read “How to Play Your Best Golf All of the Time” by Tommy Armour. He bought the book and contacted me some time later to say how useful it had been to him. He was a charming modest fellow, and I wish him success in his pursiut of that elusive first win. He deserves it.