Republic of Ireland
GoKart Limerick Competition
Jul 06 2010 Posted in Customer comment, Geoff Waterhouse, GoKart News by GoKartIn celebration of our extremely successful launch in Ireland we thought we’d have a bit of a limerick competition. You know the sort of thing; ‘There was a young man from Devizes…’ (cleanish please, or not, but then we won’t be able to print it, just titter here at GKHQ). It doesn’t have to be about a GoKart, but the theme should be golf.
We’ll run the competition for a month, and the winner will have their limerick illustrated by Geoff Waterhouse and sent to them in a posh frame, completely unique and ready to display with pride.
So to start the ball rolling, a quick one from Mr. W himself -
Simply enter your creation, along with your name in the comment box below.
August 23rd, 2010 at 2:17 pm
A Gokart with go-faster stripes,
Wide wheels and huge exhaust pipes,
If you need custom fit,
For your golfing kit,
GoKarts adapt to all types!
August 22nd, 2010 at 12:01 am
There was a young woman from Hayston
Who couldnt play golf, and then some..
She bought a gokart
Which gave her a start
And now she is keen on a threesome (I mean three ball)
What do you mean is doesnt rhyme?
There was a young lad from Dundee
Who could not chip or putt for toffeee
a gokart was sent for
which acted as mentor
and now he plays first off the tee
There was a tall hacker from Poole
Who struggled in bunkers, poor fool
A gokart in green
was soon on the scene
now he birdies each hole as a rule
August 17th, 2010 at 3:25 pm
His GoKart was like his best mate
For practice at home it was great
He set up a ramp
To get over the lamp
And that was just to carry his plate
August 17th, 2010 at 12:08 pm
Bean’s driver is bound to be fun
The head is combined with a gun
He tee’d off on the 3rd
And took out a bird
On his way to a par five in one!
August 16th, 2010 at 9:02 am
My caravan I needed to tow,
but my car battery was low,
So with my GoKart adapted
On video I’ve captured
our exploits to prove and show.
August 16th, 2010 at 8:47 am
I wanted to go to the shop
With a bad knee I’d have to hop
So with my GoKart primed
On a skateboard I climed
Only to be chased by a speedcop
August 15th, 2010 at 12:58 pm
a talented golfer off two
always carried his clubs to look cool
until he got beat
one day in the heat
by a scratch guy with a go kart
the fool.
August 14th, 2010 at 9:58 pm
While driving the 10th in a breeze,
Sid sliced his ball into the trees,
His second had height
And went out of sight
To land on the green with some ease.
Not knowing the line of his shot,
He ended up searching a lot,
Not finding his ball,
Was ready to bawl,
‘Til his partner said ‘ it’s in the pot’!
August 14th, 2010 at 9:09 pm
There was young golfer from Slough
Whose ball bounc-ed back off a bough;
The fast flying lob
Hit his mate in the gob
And all he could utter was ‘wow’.
August 14th, 2010 at 4:22 pm
to swing every club without swaying
smart golfers on links are all saying
to make a good start
get yourself a GoKart
then doing eighteen is plain saling
August 13th, 2010 at 4:13 pm
The Go Kart arrived as a gift
The man’s golf really needed a lift
So he loaded his gear,
And shot par or near
Then his partners were all really miffed
August 13th, 2010 at 1:11 pm
There was an old man from Leek
Who liked to play 4 times a week
Had a fright with his heart
So he bought a Go Kart
And now all you see is a streak
August 13th, 2010 at 1:16 am
A lady GoKarter from Kent
Charged her battery up with intent
To make it go faster -
But what a disaster -
Instead of just coming – she went!
August 13th, 2010 at 12:56 am
A young lady golfer from Luss
Bought a GoKart to take on the bus.
She said to the driver
“I’m yours for a fiver”.
My God – what a hell of a fuss!
August 13th, 2010 at 12:21 am
There once was a poor golfing duffer
Whose scores just got rougher and rougher.
He bought a GoKart,
Took the course quite apart,
But his handicap surely did suffer!
August 12th, 2010 at 4:43 pm
A sausy old girl called Eliza
Asked GoKart to please devise her
A cart with strong wills
To cope with the hills
And then pore a pint to revive her
August 11th, 2010 at 11:14 am
There was a young golfer called Ted
To the GoKart shop he sped
He was served in a flash
For so little cash
What value for money he said
August 11th, 2010 at 10:10 am
There was a young golfer from Herts
Who ignored the ease of Go Karts
Now his back is in pain
He can’t play golf again
But he is getting better at darts
August 10th, 2010 at 1:02 pm
An ancient old golfer from Devon
asked could he play golf in Heaven
Oh yes said his vicar
and,thanks to your ticker
they’ve got you teeing off at half seven.
There was a young golfer from Leek
who lost his last ball in a creek
Oh, damn, blast and bother
I’ve not got another
that’s me done with golf for this week.
August 10th, 2010 at 12:18 pm
There was a young golfer called Art
Who took great pride in his GoKart
It would be extreme folly
To mess with his trolly
More than likley he’d take you apart
August 10th, 2010 at 7:53 am
August 15th is my 71st birthday
So it is easy for me just to say
That right from the start
My lovely Go-Kart
Has been a God send.
August 10th, 2010 at 7:47 am
The guys up ahead were so slow
Those behind just wanted to go
So they adjusted their Go-Karts
Passed all the old farts
And ended up winning the show
August 10th, 2010 at 12:28 am
one of my friends owns a billy
the other one carries he`s named willy
the others uses his caddy
but i`ve got the daddy
they can`t beat my kart i`m not silly
August 9th, 2010 at 8:49 pm
With carbon shaft and titanium head
And golfing shoes with the latest tread
i’ve got the gear
All made this year
But still I play like the walking dead
August 9th, 2010 at 8:36 pm
An elderly golfer called Giles
Altered his Kart with some files
He said “tho’ it’s neat
I’ve adapted the seat
To receive my very large piles
August 9th, 2010 at 8:24 pm
A fair weather golfer, that’s me
I’m out with the sun on the tee
I won’t take the strain
If it’s pissing with rain
‘Cos I’m back in the bar, tee hee
August 9th, 2010 at 7:52 pm
Princess Anne was approaching the green
The paparazzi tried not to be seen
But an oversize tum
Revealed the scum
And she flayed them with language obscene
August 9th, 2010 at 7:35 pm
My bother-in-laws name is Rolf
He thinks he is smart when playing golf
He wears red trousers and has a matching brolly
He carries his bag,doesn’t have a trolley
He is getting old now the silly old fart
Please tell him about the virtues of using a Go Kart
August 9th, 2010 at 7:09 pm
Gosh! a Kart with a two year guarantee
Something I never thought I would see
I’d had six write offs from China
plus flops from Carolina
So GoKart,I’m off down to Canterbury
August 9th, 2010 at 5:59 pm
O little white ball on the grass
I plead the hole do not pass
O dear and o dear
Another bogie I fear
What a right royal pain in the arse
August 9th, 2010 at 5:37 pm
Thre once was a golfer called Art
Who wanted to buy a GoKart
The price was so good
He thought that he should
Buy two and give one to his mate Bart.
August 9th, 2010 at 5:28 pm
The golfer who had it all
Including a gold plated ball
Used a trolley so fine
I wished it were mine
So I just gave GoKart a call
August 9th, 2010 at 2:03 pm
Phil was a high-handicapper from Tyne
Who purchased a GoKart online
It soon stopped him hacking
Only £224 plus postage and packing
And now he’s playing off nine.
August 9th, 2010 at 11:17 am
There was a young man called Mike
Whose GoKart he used like a trike
When going through town
He mowed shoppers down
Crying “fore” then hooking off right
Having had a prawn Vindalou
Mike declined to go to the loo
His driving was cursed
His farting was worse
The advice was don’t follow through!
August 9th, 2010 at 10:20 am
There was a young chap with a trolley
Who thought that it might be quite jolly
To connect the carts motor
To a short-shafted rotor
Chop chop, what a mess, what a wally
August 9th, 2010 at 10:08 am
A man who had spent all his lolly
On a vastly inferior trolley
Called Go-Kart to buy
Hit the fairways, and my!
He forgot all his previous folly
August 9th, 2010 at 9:45 am
A scotsman called Jamie Mc Duff
Tried hid Go-Kart out in the rough
It sped through the heather
In all types of weather
My goodness this Go kart is tough
August 9th, 2010 at 9:41 am
A man with a go-Kart called Peter
decided to upgrade to a two seater
He bought a park bench
and found him a wench
and took her out for a round to treat her
August 9th, 2010 at 8:54 am
‘Twas then I knew I had him
When in the rough he stood
Wispy grass,
Around his arse
And in his hand a wood
August 9th, 2010 at 7:06 am
A pensioner named Willy
Played on a course that was hilly
He knew he was smart
When he bought a Go Kart
To replace his broken Hill-Billy
August 8th, 2010 at 11:19 pm
Go Kart Go Kart is so fast
Go Kart Go Kart made to last
Go Kart Go Kart a work of Art
Go Kart Go Kart Carbon Fibre part
Go Kart Go Kart you stole my Heart
August 8th, 2010 at 11:16 pm
It won’t be an act of sheer folly
When seeking a new powered trolley
To buy a GoKart
Cos you’ll sure look the part
With drinks holder, neat seat and smart brolly
August 8th, 2010 at 9:48 pm
A young lady matched her shoes, shorts and brolley
To her swish new GoKart golfing trolley
A winner for sure
Came in with a score
Making her and her team feeling jolly
August 8th, 2010 at 9:13 pm
A golfer with a GoKart
Felt like a man apart
He hit every green
So relaxed and serene
And then went back to the start
August 8th, 2010 at 9:11 pm
To get the best deal for golf play,
Tom tee’d off afore break of day;
To follow his shot
He made the ball hot
With paint from the famous Dounreay.
August 8th, 2010 at 8:59 pm
There was a keen golfer from Diss
Who ended up out on the p**s
In choosing a club
And paying the sub,
He found out that he couldn’t miss.
August 8th, 2010 at 8:29 pm
Playin’ over the lake at the 10th hole,
Fred hit a thinned shot with his 5 pole,
It glanced off the pond,
Went up and beyond,
Just like the dam busters of old.
August 8th, 2010 at 8:22 pm
Bridgnorth Golf Course Limerick
The hazard that takes most of my balls
( Where only rowers take heed of my calls
Of not Fore but Severn)
Is a watery heaven
The ruin of so many good scores
August 8th, 2010 at 8:18 pm
A GoKart is such a good base kit
For adding accessories with it;
A bag and a brolly,
Drinks from the trolley,
All for your use when you see fit.
August 8th, 2010 at 8:18 pm
My Gokart is brilliant, without any flaw
It came from the manufacturer, straight to my door.
The People at Gokart are friendly and keen
They make reliable trolleys, in Orange,Pink,Black,Blue and Green.
August 8th, 2010 at 8:09 pm
I’ve just finished using my wifes Gokart
and i think its now broken my heart
Cos its back to my old one tomorrow
and i`ll be on the course feeling nothing but sorrow.
August 8th, 2010 at 8:08 pm
If your trolley keeps letting you down
Don`t stand on the fairway and frown
Forget about “Shower Paddy`s, Silly Billy`s and the rest
Get yourself a Go Kart, because “They are simply the best !”
August 8th, 2010 at 8:07 pm
I walk around the course with my golf shoes on my feet.
Feeling tired and weary I wish I had seat.
I’ve got my bag for my GoKart trolley.
Oh I wish I had a place for my brolley.
August 8th, 2010 at 7:49 pm
A GoKart Representative called Sandie
Is known to be considerably Randy
On Golfmagic she does flirt
with any Scot in a skirt
Cos she has a fondness of legs that are bandy..
August 8th, 2010 at 7:43 pm
There was an OAP called Jim who always wanted to win.
He had a weak heart so he bought a GoKart
Thanks to his young wife Lynn.
August 8th, 2010 at 7:32 pm
I don’t think I’ll ever be Lawrie
I don’t think I’ll ever be Woods
But I know with my GoKart
I’m gonna look real smart
They really come up with the goods
August 8th, 2010 at 6:57 pm
From Horsley, a lady called Mel
found pushing her trolley was hell
a GoKart she bought
and with no second thought
played 18 then 18 as well :)
August 8th, 2010 at 6:49 pm
Mike Lichten lives next door – he’s my neighbour
His antics are something to savour
He practices golf shots
Into large flower pots
But at midnight – such strange behaviour
August 8th, 2010 at 6:39 pm
My wife had lovely Go Kart in red
To go with her vast wardrobe, she said.
Her cut-offs were green
And golf shirt was blue.
Trolley rainbow “must have now Fred.”
August 8th, 2010 at 6:26 pm
In Ireland the GoKart is new
So far there but a few
But soon they’ll be known
From Cork to Athlone
And you’ll not see the end of the queue
August 8th, 2010 at 6:10 pm
He’s been at it again that Mike Lichten
Taking the Mick out of John, what a sin
But John doesn’t care
‘Cos rhymes do not scare
As much as Mike’s wife with a gin
August 8th, 2010 at 6:08 pm
When searching my ball in the trees
I stirred up the nest of some bees;
The following foursome,
Thought this was awesome,
My slow play had ceased, them to please.
August 8th, 2010 at 5:44 pm
To help him to finish the match
With a battery not up to scratch
Dave added a sail,
In the midst of a gale
But his GoKart he just couldn’t catch.
August 8th, 2010 at 5:24 pm
There was a young lady from Droitwich
Who hit her ball into a deep ditch;
The lie was in sedge,
But the use of her wedge
Hit the pin on the sixth from a sweet pitch.
August 8th, 2010 at 5:24 pm
My GoKart I bought on the net
I’ve had it three years with no regret
It will do a few more
and help my golf score
if not I will be very upset
August 8th, 2010 at 5:15 pm
There was a young man from Glen Coe
Who played his golf like a pro
If he comes up with the goods
And beats Tiger Woods
At what ???? We really don’t know !
August 8th, 2010 at 5:07 pm
My new GoKart trolly’s the tops!
No more pulling or pushing! No stops!
It goes at my speed
It’s just what I need.
So I concentrate on the shots!
August 8th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
their was a young man called bart
who would love to win a golfcart
also to get a hole in one
hes still out their praying and
just like this saying
it probably will never be done
August 8th, 2010 at 4:50 pm
A young lady golfer with style
Wanted something to make her smile
After a think
Bought a Go Kart in pink
Now there’s a smile on her dial
August 8th, 2010 at 4:49 pm
Gokart’s the trolley of choice
For a keen lady golfer called Joyce.
It’s easy to use
On the golf course she’ll cruise.
She feels she is driving Rolls Royce!
August 8th, 2010 at 4:26 pm
My friend splashed out a few bob
To buy a Gokart, just the job!
He waltzed by a powerkaddy
And shouted, “come on, keep up laddy”
And now he is a proud Gokart snob
August 8th, 2010 at 4:22 pm
There was a Scottish golfer called Macbride
Who had a large boil on his backside
He had it removed
So his game would be improved
But the ball he continued to misguide.
August 8th, 2010 at 4:14 pm
My Go-kart has become such a chum
Pulling a trolley just made me all glum
But Its a pity there’s no seat
So i can rest my weary feet
Cos the walkings a pain in the bum!
August 8th, 2010 at 3:26 pm
Oh help – please hear my petition
For gawd’s sake end this competition
It’s made me a lush
Me brain’s turned to mush
And the rest of me’s gone to Perdition
August 8th, 2010 at 3:17 pm
If G&S were to pen a new operetta
‘Tis my opinion that they could do no better
Than write a leading part
For the wondrous Go-Kart
As a base of course, not a falsetta
August 8th, 2010 at 3:04 pm
Rhyming don’t half make you think, you see
Sadly I’ve been driven to drink, poor me
The golf club bar
Is easier by far
Than driving a ball off the tee
August 8th, 2010 at 2:55 pm
I think Eros stuck a dart in me heart
Fell in love with me Kart from the start
I take ‘er to bed
O if we could but wed
Than me and this tart would ne’er part
August 8th, 2010 at 1:21 pm
Seems our Tiger is headed for a fall
And now Phil is standing real tall
His wife is the key
‘Cos when he’s on the tee
She tenderly kisses each ball
August 8th, 2010 at 10:16 am
Two buddies in Southfleet reside
With elephant skin for a hide
They did battle in verse
And to make matters worse
Nothing each said could be justified
August 6th, 2010 at 11:24 am
Two neighbours stood laces to laces
The expression spelled war on their faces
They fell out over colour
And so challenged each other
To GoKarts at twenty-five paces
August 6th, 2010 at 11:20 am
Old Thompson thought orange was best
For his GoKart to thrash all the rest
But he could only blink
When he was beaten by pink
And a chap who was dapperly dressed
August 6th, 2010 at 10:48 am
If John would just use all his height
And a gentle backswing, then he might
Find his ball flies quite true
And not two feet from his shoe
But instead simply far out of sight
August 6th, 2010 at 10:42 am
There was a young lass from Tralee,
And no prettier golfer you’d see,
While playing in St Andrews,
There were there some aircrews,
Now she’s married and flies there for free.
August 5th, 2010 at 10:26 pm
You’re right Mike, I really want yours
And with it I’ll reduce all my fores
But it’s not what you thinkee
I don’t want your pinkee
But your Hippo to improve all my scores
August 5th, 2010 at 9:22 am
John, please will you stop wasting time
By showing your envy with rhyme
I know what you think
Though you poke fun at pink
You really wish you had got mine
August 5th, 2010 at 9:07 am
A young man played golf in a park
Had wings on his electric GoKart
Asked if it flies
It does he replies
But Ireland (i`ll land!!) when the batteries no spark
August 5th, 2010 at 7:59 am
A thirsty scots golfer called Andy
Went into a bar for a shandy
As he lifted his kilt
To wipe what he’d spilt
The barmaid said “Blimey, that’s handy!”
A golfer who started in Crewe
Used a ‘Go Kart’ that just simply flew
It travelled so far
He had to follow by car
And he finished his round in Peru
August 4th, 2010 at 11:40 pm
A marvel, a mechanical feat!
A Go Kart that has a large seat.
There is nothing finer
than a leather recliner
and puffet to rest my poor feet.
August 4th, 2010 at 10:38 pm
I guess by now you’re all dozin’
at me getting loads of these prose in?
Well soz for the deluge
Coz I sought some refuge
and spent all tonight just composin’
August 4th, 2010 at 10:09 pm
A mate that we all call BIg Billy
adapted his kart for his willy.
It was such a hard job
to cope with his knob
But to carry it round was just silly
August 4th, 2010 at 9:55 pm
[alternative last line]
It’s a 69 done out of sync!
August 4th, 2010 at 9:18 pm
The yank player called Stuart Cink
has a nose that’s unusually pink.
Now don’t think it’s boozing
that caused all that bruising,
It’s a 69 done with a chink! :o)
August 4th, 2010 at 9:06 pm
The folks down at GKHQ
are such an incredible crew.
They did the designin’
and now put the time in
Supportin’ all those who bought new!
August 4th, 2010 at 8:50 pm
A french girl we know as Delphine
Keeps our clubhouse impeccably clean
But when we’ve been drinkin’
and leave the place stinkin’
Her language is simply obscene!
August 4th, 2010 at 8:50 pm
My handicap’s never in doubt,
As out of the bunkers I clout.
By the back nine I’m sweating
My equipment regretting -
It’s the GoKart I’m struggling without!
August 4th, 2010 at 8:12 pm
Our club’s had a chemical leak
that caused all the greensmen to squeak.
It’s really quite funny
Their bottoms are runny
From drinking the stuff from the creek!
August 4th, 2010 at 7:58 pm
I’m usually quite a good chipper
With driver, an occasiional ripper
But on my last round
an embarrassing sound
Was the bursting of my trouser zipper.
August 4th, 2010 at 7:47 pm
A mate of mine called ‘Smelly Wilf’
Has gear that’s all covered in filth.
The thing that’s amazin’
is most men are gazin’
at his wife, who’s a regular MILF!
August 4th, 2010 at 11:09 am
A young boy from Montreal
Asked his Dad about the tee found in the hall
He said with no fear of lying
Its for resting your balls while your driving
‘My god Rolls Royce think of it all’
August 4th, 2010 at 10:44 am
a man with a golf cart called jerry
thought a flame thrower attachment would be merry
it fitted it right with a lighter to ignite
and blew all his balls out of sight
August 3rd, 2010 at 11:40 pm
I’m sat here constructing a rhyme
that’s witty and yet so sublime
so the folks at GoKart
will award me Geoff’s art
as a thank you for effort and time
August 3rd, 2010 at 11:21 pm
One bad thing that golfers befall
and there’s really nowt worse at all
Than after your pose
you’re standing to close
even after hitting the ball!
August 3rd, 2010 at 11:14 pm
Some rules of the R & A
are so obscure I’d say
like in a pro shop
your guts do not drop
or a two quid fine you’ll pay!
August 3rd, 2010 at 11:11 pm
Some popular faults I recall
too many to mention them all
but one I should mention
and one worth retention
is don’t stand there lickin’ your ball!
August 3rd, 2010 at 10:19 pm
With GoKart tucked in his car
Mike planned to travel afar
But what would the French think
Cos his GoKart is pink
Which matches his clothes -ooh – la – la
August 3rd, 2010 at 8:28 pm
The GOKART style is so slick
All the competition look like a modified brick
It’s simply the best
And as for the rest.
You’d be mad if you’d bought one in heist. !!!!
August 3rd, 2010 at 2:15 pm
With his 2-year old kit thrown on heap
Dear John gave up buying what’s cheap
In a bright GoKart trolley
He invested his lolly
Still his long- and short-games make him weep!
August 1st, 2010 at 8:54 am
There was a young man from Dublin
Who though it a terrible sin
When his golf fell apart
So he bought a Go Kart
And now all he can do is win….win
There was a young man from Belfast
Whose pull trolley just couldnt go fast
So he bought a Go Kart
Which gave him a kick start
And now jogs from the first to the last
August 1st, 2010 at 8:15 am
There was an old man from Bexhill
Whose Go Kart roared right up a hill
He soon reached the top
But then his poor heart went pop
And now the wifes searching for the will
(For Northern Ireland)
There was a young golfer from Colraine
Who though carrying a bag was a pain
His friends for a start
Introduced the Go Kart
And hes never looked back once again
July 30th, 2010 at 10:10 am
Mike has a GoKart in pink
At the golf club the guys at him wink
But Mike isn’t gay
Or so people say
It’s the way that he walks we think
July 28th, 2010 at 6:13 pm
A TUBBY WEE GOLFER CALLED SHNEIDER
WAS APPROACHED TO PLAY IN THE RYDER
BUT TO THE CAPTAINS DISMAY
HE HAD TO SAY NAY’
AS HE ONLY EVER PLAYS IN THE WIDER!!
July 28th, 2010 at 11:26 am
My wife thinks I’m ever so sad
My GoKart is driving her mad
I take it to bed
As soon as I’m fed
She thinks it’s a novelty fad!!
July 28th, 2010 at 11:14 am
I stood there really agast
A GoKart had just thundered past
With its owner on tow
Golf shoes deep in snow
Why’s it on the ski slope I ask!!
July 27th, 2010 at 11:07 pm
A BLOKE WITH A GO KART CALLED DICK
NEW A GOLFER IN IRELAND CALLED MICK
MICKS HILLY COURSE STRAINED IS HEART
SO DICK GAVE IT SOME THOUGHT
AND SENT OVER THE GUYS FROM GOKART
July 27th, 2010 at 8:25 pm
There was a limerick writer called Hart
Who wanted to win a GoKart
So he took out his pen
And decided, just then
He’d no clue at all where to start
July 27th, 2010 at 8:20 pm
GoKarts can go fast or go slow
Up hill or down dale they can go
But with rain in the sky
And the sun up on high
You might lose it in a rainbow
July 26th, 2010 at 8:36 pm
A 90 year old golfer called Bart
Needed boosting to stay with his Kart
With a tummy full of beanz
He quickly found the meanz
And moved with the help of a fart!
July 26th, 2010 at 7:24 pm
Also:-
There was a man from Peru
Who had nothing at all to do
so he sat on the stairs couted his hairs
and found he had 72
July 26th, 2010 at 7:23 pm
It soared thru the air with such height
‘Tis a shame it was such a short flight.
But clubs cannot fly
And I heard no good-bye
As it splashed and then sunk out of sight
July 25th, 2010 at 11:15 pm
there was a young golfer called lou
who won a jug on his St Andrews debut
the rest of the field had a race
to try and secure second place
the prize, was a gokart in blue
July 23rd, 2010 at 7:46 pm
I said goodbye to the sink
When I bought me a GoKart in pink.
Goodbye to the Hoover
There’s a new little mover
On the Fairway to be seen,
You know what I mean?
Nudge, nudge, wink,wink.
July 23rd, 2010 at 9:32 am
That naturist golfer so keen
Had the longest putt you’ve ever seen
He lay on his gut
To line up the putt
And enjoyed the rub of the green!
July 23rd, 2010 at 9:31 am
A naturist golfer from Sweden
A game in the buff he was needin’
Threw his clothes in a tub
And joined his new club
The Royal St. Garden of Eden
July 23rd, 2010 at 9:30 am
A fat golfer, none too athletic
At most sports was really pathetic
In tune with most fatties
He’d tell people that his
Condition was ‘purely genetic’
July 21st, 2010 at 10:48 pm
A Ryder Cup Captain called Col
Chose Darren Clarke as his new moll
They gave each Yank
A jolly good spank
And reclaimed the cup and all.
July 21st, 2010 at 10:24 am
There was a young lady called Molly
Who wanted an electric trolley
She was very smart
And bought a GoKart
With a seat and a place for her brolly
July 21st, 2010 at 6:25 am
An elderly golfer from Tring
Decided to work on his swing
But reckoned carrying a bag
Was too much of a fag
And that a GoKart was really the thing.
July 21st, 2010 at 6:22 am
Carrying a golf bag is really a pain
Unless a hacker you wish to remain.
With a bag on your shoulder
You’ll just feel much older
- Let a GoKart take all the strain.
July 19th, 2010 at 9:14 pm
To carry or to pull was the question
But both gave Bill indigestion
To stifle the fart
He bought a GoKart
And so eased his colonic congestion.
July 19th, 2010 at 8:29 pm
A player in a bunker from leeds
Asked his caddy for a sand wedge if you please
Imagine his suprise
When he opened his eyes
As he passed him one —tomato,egg,lettuce and cheese
July 19th, 2010 at 3:11 pm
He’s won the Open, but King Louis just shrugs
“Foul play” shouts Westwood, check for drugs!
I have played my heart out
But wasn’t in with a shout
Bridesmaid again, and no claret jugs!
July 19th, 2010 at 3:10 pm
Oosthuizen storms home with a 7 shot lead
A kick and a putt up the last, all he’d need
His closest rival Paul Casey
Hit a putt far to pacey
A white flag was required to concede!
July 19th, 2010 at 12:45 pm
A bright techy guy name of Hart
Added lots great gear to his Kart
In the blink of an eye
It flew up to the sky
And now it’s in orbit- how smart
July 18th, 2010 at 9:42 am
A YOUNG PROFESSIONAL FROM PRESTON
TOOK TO THE COURSE WITH NO VEST ON
HE BLUSHED AND TURNED RED
AND SAID AS HE FLED
ITS A GOOD JOB I HAD THE REST ON
July 17th, 2010 at 9:14 pm
There once was a golfer from Devon
Whose petrol powered golf cart he’d rev on
But one day to his cost
Fought the clubhouse and lost
And now plays twice-weekly in heaven
July 17th, 2010 at 9:11 pm
There was a fat golfer from Fleet
Who struck the ball ever so sweet
But the food he consumed
Meant his weight then balloned
And he found that his arms wouldn’t meet
July 17th, 2010 at 9:10 pm
A golfing ex-roadie called Sandy
Invented a golf cart so handy
Sleek by design
With features so fine
A beautiful piece of eye candy
July 17th, 2010 at 9:07 pm
There once was a golfer from Dorset
Whom each time when putting would force it
The problem he sorted
When one day he thought he’d
Wear his mother’s 18 hour corset
July 17th, 2010 at 11:40 am
A young lady by the name of Pink Polly,
Decided to buy a new trolley,
She now looks like a minx,
Racing round the golf links,
The Pink Tolley, Pink Polly and Brolly!
July 16th, 2010 at 7:39 pm
A GoKart she gave as a treat
Which I thought, how sweet
I went and played golf next day
My wife, she played away
And now its golf all week
July 16th, 2010 at 5:15 pm
My GoKart is sexy and light
On the course it’s a wonderful sight
But sadly my game
Is exactly the same
The same old embarassing shite
I’m opening my new GoKart
I will really look just the part
But when out of the box
My heart sinks to my socks
It’s PINK! I’ll look like a tart!
July 16th, 2010 at 3:50 pm
I play at Grange -over -Sands,
With my GO-kART I hardly need hands,
But we had a slight hitch,
And both fell in the ditch,
Now I’m covered in elastoplast bands!
July 16th, 2010 at 2:06 pm
A handsome young golfer from Troon
Causes many a maiden to swoon
His very short kilt
Shows he’s well built
Especially when he bends doon
July 16th, 2010 at 1:47 pm
By forsaking the booze and the pies
John Daly has gone down in size
But his rainbow style trews
Keep him in the news
So he’s still a sight for sore eyes
July 16th, 2010 at 12:14 pm
There was an old GoKart in green
Who on an updated model was keen
But the youngster was pink
And said, do you think
With your colour I’d ever be seen
July 16th, 2010 at 12:07 pm
There was a scratch club golfer from Dockett
Who hit the ball like a rocket
He scored birdies galore
But in the bar was a bore
For his arms were too short for his pocket
(this competition has really brought out the bards amongst the golfers!)
July 16th, 2010 at 12:01 pm
Rugby playing club golfer named Dean
On a GoKart was incredibly keen
But when he bought pink on black
Said the guys in his pack
With that colour we’ll never be seen
July 16th, 2010 at 12:52 am
A golfer prone to such folly
Bought a highly inferior trolley
If right from the start
He’d bought a GoKart
He wouldn’t have wasted his lolly!
July 15th, 2010 at 10:20 pm
There was a young lady called Susan
Who was known for golfing while boozin’
With her hip flask on hand
As she hit out the sand
Her GoKart carried on cruisin’ !!
July 15th, 2010 at 9:17 pm
Got my Kart & thought “this is it”
I’ll lose shots off my game staying fit
I hit off the 1st tee
My ball struck a tree
What a pity that my golf is rubbish!
July 15th, 2010 at 5:26 pm
A daredevil golfer from Hull
Rode his GoKart like a rodeo bull
He hung on for his life
Till his long suffering wife
Flicked the speed control up to the full
July 15th, 2010 at 5:13 pm
There was a young man called Rory,
His rise an incredible story,
He shot a 9 under,
In rain and in thunder,
And heading for St Andrews glory!
July 15th, 2010 at 12:34 pm
A golfer from Blackpool called Bevan
died and took GoKart to heaven
St Peter said “undeniable -
they must be reliable -
cause I’ve only seen one before from Devon!
July 15th, 2010 at 12:30 pm
A lady from Crewe bought a GoKart
and that was the end of her dear heart
he was sent to the shed
whilst it slept in her bed
and the neighbours claimed she was a golf tart!
July 15th, 2010 at 12:28 pm
A GoKart called Tarquin in Brighton
felt it’s colour did not turn it’s light on
It went to the docks
and chose some new frocks
plus pink battery cover which was “right on”
July 15th, 2010 at 11:24 am
Another from Geoff (Grasshopper) Waterhouse.
My chipper I held like a lover
Through the teachings of Zen I’d discover,
I’d imagine the pin
And think the ball in,
I just found I’d missed yet another.
be the ball, Geoff, be the ball…
July 15th, 2010 at 10:44 am
My Pa-in-law Al, was aghast
His Hillbilly breathing its last
I said don’t muck about
Give GoKart a shout
And now knackered trolleys are a thing of the past
Of its pluses, I was clearly aware
I resisted the urge to be fair
As I thought that these carts
Were for unfit old farts
But was wrong, so I ordered a pair
Now my own dad, a fella called Les
A golfing god, or at least so he says,
Was feeling left out
As he staggered about
So got one too as he knew it made sense
Now in Shoreham we’re most often seen
Like a land borne Red Arrows team
We streak from the tee
Through the rough and the trees
And regroup back at the green
And with tyres like 4WD cars
We’re dreaming of birdies and pars
In the elements we’re bolder
With a strong brolly holder
And when tired, we can seat half an arse
Now I’d like to make a request
An improvement to make it the best
I’m playing a blinder
With my on course range finder
Can we have a gadget to hold GPS?
July 15th, 2010 at 10:36 am
There was a young golfer from Bray
Bought a GoKart from Sandy one day
It was cool it was slick and remarkably quick
And surprisingly little to pay.
July 15th, 2010 at 10:07 am
An eccentric accountant named Wilf
Loved his GoKart much more than himself
They shot birdies and eagles
All over Gleneagles
And a grouse on the glorious 12th!
July 15th, 2010 at 9:04 am
There once was a golfer from Oosterhout
Determined a 65 he would shoot
His one big mistake
The wrong GoKart he’d take
Was last seen doing circuits at Goodwood
July 14th, 2010 at 6:57 pm
There was a young girl from Caerphilly
Who struggled to use a Hillbilly
She bought a Go Kart
Its state of the art
And golf is fun for this filly
July 14th, 2010 at 4:27 pm
There once was a golfer from Kent
Who carried, which made his back bent
With his cash he did part
He bought a Go Kart
And racing off down the fairway he went…!!!
His Go Kart, it was really fast
For a whole round his body would last
Thanks to his Go Kart
He now played his part
And his 5-hour rounds are a thing of the past…!!!
Now this is the end of my tale
Come sunshine, strong wind or even hail
My Go Kart is great
I keep up with my mate
And we’re soon in the 19th drinking some ale…!!!
July 14th, 2010 at 3:38 pm
In a mixed foursome played on Skye,
the wind blew McCall’s kilt up high.
The opponent, much impressed
by his state of undress
fainted, and happily conceded the tie.
July 14th, 2010 at 1:44 pm
At gokart there was a lady named Sandy
At helping customers she was quite handy
always offering a good deal
even on a broken wheel
she really is just dandy
July 14th, 2010 at 11:33 am
Following a bust-up where she let rip
singer Cheryl went on a trip
there was much media hysteria
cause she contracted malaria
but it’s Ok – she’s now off the “drip”
July 14th, 2010 at 11:26 am
My mate Tom, whilst dismantling my trolley,
Pulled the battery clips horizontal – what folly,
So now they appears
Like Charlie boy’s ears
Sticking out to the sides – how jolly
and thanks to the nice chaps at Go-Kart whoo sent me a replacement battery carrier FOC.
July 14th, 2010 at 9:48 am
a lady golfer with a nice polo shirt
teamed it up with an extremely short skirt
her caddy Fernando
warned “Don’t go commando”
“if you go into the gorse it will hurt”
July 14th, 2010 at 9:32 am
The GoKart with power to show
Stops complaints of golf being slow
When zooming around
Without making a sound
It can easily take others in tow
July 14th, 2010 at 9:27 am
a golfer who hailed from Peru
farted but just followed through
he said it was hell
and not just because of the smell
but his trousers were now brown and not blue
July 14th, 2010 at 9:26 am
There was a young lady from Beith
who liked sex with her man underneath
but she made so much noise
when ‘entertaining’ two boys
that she could be heard screaming in Leith
July 14th, 2010 at 9:23 am
A golfer who found winning a breeze
was suddenly brought to his knees
him and his wife they had words
because of him and his burds
and this caused him to drive into the trees
July 13th, 2010 at 7:55 pm
In his trolley Jacks trousers got tangled
KART moving along as he wangled
Being drawn into the wheels
There was desperate squeals
As poor Jack got flattened and mangled
July 13th, 2010 at 6:18 pm
An old golfer came from afar
He got his GO KART from the car
He played the first in seven or eight
Then turned to his long suffering mate
Calm as you like said i think thats a par
July 13th, 2010 at 3:06 pm
My mate Del Kent
Had a an old trolley that never went
When he saw my GoKart
it gave him new heart
So an entry to your competiton he sent
oops typo now corrected
July 13th, 2010 at 3:01 pm
Geoff Waterhouse isn’t allowed to enter but we have to post this little gem;
I’m in love with a lady called Joyce
Who just happens to own a Rolls Royce
It’s her full set of Ping
That makes my heart sing
A golfing rich widow’s my choice.
July 13th, 2010 at 2:56 pm
My mate Del Kent
Had a an old trolley that never went
When he saw my GoKart
it gave him new heart
So an entry to your competion he sent
July 13th, 2010 at 11:52 am
Sorry, last one promise!
At the 17th he recieves a big hand
And for GoKart, he’s promoting the brand
His caddy is quite happy
Cos the rounds been quite snappy
And they’ve left Tiger back in the sand
July 13th, 2010 at 11:39 am
On the back nine young Annie would tire, and her scoring it really was dire, till one day she got smart, and bought a Go Kart , and now her scoring is really on fire!
July 13th, 2010 at 11:08 am
So Tiger is now on parole
After losing his Ambassador role
But he is back in the game
Though its not quite the same
As he’s suffered from rimming the hole!
July 13th, 2010 at 10:09 am
It’s Martin’s birthday, he is feeling quite jolly
His wife bought him a brand new golf trolley
So he said to his caddy
I don’t need you now laddie
That GoKart even carries my brolly
July 13th, 2010 at 9:45 am
It’s Westwood’s time this year, no joke
I hear shouting “You are the bloke!”
It’s good putts he’ll need
To open a lead
For god’s sake I hope he don’t choke!
July 13th, 2010 at 8:40 am
there was a scratch golfer called Flynn
the open he wanted to win
but try as he may
he just could not play
well enough to partake at “The Burn”
July 13th, 2010 at 7:13 am
Merv,
We confess, we thought hard about publishing this one, but in the end felt why should David Attenborough have all the wildlife action.
July 12th, 2010 at 10:48 pm
That Tiger’s a damn cheeky monkey
It’s true he can beat a white honkey
He’s such a big hitter
And under his zipper
He’s got a big knob like a donkey!
July 12th, 2010 at 9:55 pm
The GoKart is such a good trolley
And it wont zap all of your lolly
It scampers around
with ease, it’s so sound
Not having one surely is folly!
July 12th, 2010 at 9:38 pm
A bag, some irons and driver
A bargain for under a fiver
The bloke on the stall
Said “I’ll throw in a ball,
And a picture of Lady Godiva”
July 12th, 2010 at 9:23 pm
A Golfer called “Miguel” just could not excel
In Masters or Opens in Wales
A “GoKart” was needed then “Miguel” succeded
winning the Scottish Open by far
July 12th, 2010 at 9:21 pm
I’m sat here watchin the telly
With gas buildin up in my belly
If you’ve played in a comp
Straight after a romp
Your legs wobble round just like jelly!
July 12th, 2010 at 8:56 pm
Some golf courses are built on the hills.
And to play them they give plenty of thrills.
Carrying your bag round is a no starter.
So you had best become a `GoKarter`
And save on your Chiropractors bills.
July 12th, 2010 at 8:25 pm
Tiger Woods is regaining his form,
Though has not yet got back to his norm,
if he goes on this way
until Wed-nes-day
He may yet take St Andrews by storm.
July 12th, 2010 at 8:21 pm
There was a young fellow called Hart,
Who bought, for himself, a GoKart,
While playing one day
It dragged him away
To forget the Kart’s power’s not smart.
July 12th, 2010 at 7:42 pm
The GoKart is your best friend for life
I’ve just got one as a swap for my wife
It don’t make the tea
But it’s QUIET you see
No more moans, or agro, or strife
July 12th, 2010 at 5:05 pm
Our golfing partner we called pepsi,
Was found to have mild narcolepsy,
he’d keep falling asleep,
with not even a peep,
So, we don’t bother with him anymore.
July 12th, 2010 at 4:54 pm
There once was a numbnut from Herts.
Who, it happened, had two golf carts,
But when strapped to his shoes,
His balance he did lose,
And got a handlebar straight in the knackers.
July 12th, 2010 at 4:53 pm
As a senior golf playing chap
I sometimes get in a flap
As my ball hooks away
I am oft heard to say
What a right load of effing old crap
July 12th, 2010 at 4:50 pm
A MAN WITH A GO KART CALLED BILL
LAST WEEK LET IT GO ON A HILL
AND JUST AS WE FEARED
IT SOON DISAPPEARED
AND HES HUNTING AROUND FOR IT STILL
July 12th, 2010 at 4:39 pm
A canny old golfer from Kilkenny,
Had saved up a fair pretty penny,
A hole in his pocket was burned,
The other golf carts were spurned,
As his GoKart did cost half as many.
July 12th, 2010 at 4:02 pm
The main purpose of a very good Limerick,
Is to rhyme words to it, like tumeric,
And to diverge from GO-KART,
From whence we must part,
Back to Limerick, tumeric and stick to it!
July 12th, 2010 at 3:57 pm
The Award winning GO-KART you get,
Is superior to rivals? YOU BET!
Ultra light and very fast,
Pins its colours to the mast,
But can it swing a golf club? Not yet!!!
July 12th, 2010 at 3:51 pm
Reknowned golfer and M.D. Chris Wood,
In deep rough with his GO-KART, he stood,
Desperately searched for his ball,
Bugger couldn’t find it at all,
Which served only to blacken his mood!
July 12th, 2010 at 3:49 pm
A man bought an oversized brolley
To attach to his undersized trolley
The wind started to blow
Boy his GoKart did go,
But played his round backwards, the wally
July 12th, 2010 at 3:45 pm
A golfer from Wales called Hearts
Owned an old and tired GO-KART
He noticed, it seems
When gorging HEINZ BEANZ
KART starts like a rocket as he farts!
July 12th, 2010 at 2:30 pm
Last one, I’ve got to get some work done!!
A brand new golf trolley from Kent
Was requested as birthday present
Sleek flowing lines
Innovative designs
Means it’s money extremely well spent.
Do I get a prize for how many I put in, I’m enjoying this??!!
July 12th, 2010 at 2:25 pm
There was a young golfer called Batson,
whose GO-Kart was built like a Datsun.
It had go faster stripes
and shiny tail pipes and two hooks
for hanging his hats on!
July 12th, 2010 at 2:23 pm
There was an ex rocker called Sandy,
Whose golf skills were also quite handy
When asked to design
A golf kart so fine
“Nae bother wee man, aye I can de”
July 12th, 2010 at 2:08 pm
There once was a fellow from Ealing
Who crashed the Go-Kart he was stealing
The look on his face
Said it hit him some place
That grew 3 times the size with no feeling
July 12th, 2010 at 1:58 pm
There was an old fella last year
Who filled the rest with fear
But he missed a putt
From only eight foot
And the dream was over, oh dear!
July 12th, 2010 at 1:42 pm
If you still carry your bag
You’ll find it such a fag
If you use a GoKart
Then you will be smart
Its a trolley you don’t even have to drag!
July 12th, 2010 at 1:41 pm
I once had a horse called gokart,
By gum it couldn’t half fart,
The faster it went the more air was spent,
Whilst on holiday in Brid my my true love it got rid
Now i’m a lonely old heart
July 12th, 2010 at 1:21 pm
Rather stupid young fella called Wally
Thought he’d buy a motorised trolley
Silly old fart
Never heard of GoKart
Broke down in the rain with no brolly
July 12th, 2010 at 1:06 pm
A well-pickled golfer named Art
Fell under the wheels of his GO-Kart.
While travelling apace,
one knobbly wheel
left a rather large weal
in a most tender place.
Now Art will never be Pop-Art!
July 12th, 2010 at 12:43 pm
When Tiger sliced wildly the first
at St Andrews for best or for worst
His wife sat at home
Saying ‘That’ll teach you to roam’
As the crowd fell about, fit to burst.
July 12th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
An incontinent golfer from Ealing
Experienced a somewhat damp feeling
Whilst on the first tee
He let go a wee
Bad show- and not very appealing
Whilst discussing the rules about lightnin’
Our sec. said something quite frightenin’
Asked what should we do
If someone’s hit and turns blue
Back came the response “Play round ‘im”
July 12th, 2010 at 12:22 pm
There was this geezer from london called rolf
His favourite pastime was a round of golf
At the crack ‘o dawn hed be there at the start
His score was always poor but not taken to heart
‘Cos he was always the quickest thanks to his sexy Go Kart.
July 12th, 2010 at 11:01 am
A nightmare for Ken at the last
When his putt went a little too fast
It went right thro’ the back
rolled into a crack
leaving Ken and his putter aghast !!
July 12th, 2010 at 10:06 am
Tiger’s back to the place he loves best
A fourth claret jug is his quest
With no driver planned
He’ll stay out of the sand
But the road hole will be a tough test.
July 12th, 2010 at 10:04 am
In Mid Sussex a Golfer called Mandy
Had a husband who surname was Candy
When playing the game
Straight shots were her aim
As she didn;t like playing from Sand(y!)
July 12th, 2010 at 8:44 am
It’s that time when the open is here
the competition we all hold quite dear
the golfers complain
when Scottish weather brings rain
and the winners a ‘yank’ I fear!
July 12th, 2010 at 8:24 am
There was a young man named tiger he did not what to do either,to go with a tart or to use his heart and buy a go kart, i bet he wished he had followed his heart because there would have been a lot less trouble if he chose the go kart.
July 11th, 2010 at 9:59 pm
Catherine Zeta has been blazing trails
Across the land of sun, sea and gales.
She’s been cursing the Yanks
With the promise of shanks
When the Ryder Cup comes back home to Wales.
July 11th, 2010 at 9:33 pm
You’ve still got support from your backers
And most people think that I’m crackers
But you chose to roam
Just wait til you’re home
I’ll give you kick in the knackers!
July 11th, 2010 at 9:15 pm
That Tiger’s a dirty old soul
Turns out he’s quite an arsehole
And it puts a new meaning
On what crowds are screamin’
Specially the “Get in the hole”!
July 11th, 2010 at 9:04 pm
THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN FROM DONEGAL
WHO HAD LOST HIS LUCKY GOLF BALL.
SO HE WENT BACK TO THE START
WITH HIS FANCY GOKART
AND BOUGHT ONE THE SAME IN THE MALL.
July 11th, 2010 at 8:14 pm
Lord Oddball of Wentworth was crass
All the gear, no idea and looked flash
To be the part
He got a GoKart
For some kudos, style and panache.
July 11th, 2010 at 7:48 pm
Standing proudly erect on the tee
A picture of poise that’s me
With an elegant swing
The ball takes wing
But it always ends up in a tree
I wish I could find the poor soul
Who always yells out “in the hole”
I’d blacken his eye
Set fire to his tie
Then bury him at the South Pole
July 11th, 2010 at 7:20 pm
I was stood on the par three.
I was full of glee.
I hit the ball and it was gone .
Low and behold i had got a hole in one
July 11th, 2010 at 7:13 pm
There once was a golfer named Paddy,
Instead of fore, used to shout ‘who’s ya daddy’
One day from afar
A kid said ‘you are’
Now he’s got a GoKart instead of a Caddy!!
July 11th, 2010 at 6:52 pm
my go cart is fast with the motor its got in its green & eco friendly & easy to clean
July 11th, 2010 at 6:46 pm
In a pub a young girl name of Ryder
Had a drink with her GoKart beside her
She fell faint to the ground
When she suddenly found
A dead spider was inside her cider.
July 11th, 2010 at 6:11 pm
There was an old man from Stuttgart
who complained of a weak dodgy heart
He couldn’t climb hills
without taking pills
But he can now that he’s bought a GoKart
July 11th, 2010 at 2:54 pm
There once was a golfer named ‘Woods’
Who was always giving girlies his goods
He got caught ‘in the rough’
With a ‘birdie’ from Brough
Till his wife made a ‘wedge’ with his duds!
July 11th, 2010 at 1:01 pm
A GoKart can travel at speed
It also freewheels when you need
It looks so great
It’s the envy of your mate
And is incredibly easy to breed!!
July 11th, 2010 at 12:49 pm
A Shooters Hill golfer called Wood
Thinks “Go Kart” doesn’t scan as it should.
But all is forgiven:
His clubs are well driven,
So his play is occasionally good
July 11th, 2010 at 12:48 pm
I decided to buy a GoKart
But feared being called an Old Fart
This kit is so cool
You will not look a fool
From your mates it will set you apart
July 11th, 2010 at 12:39 pm
I decided to buy a GoKart
But feared being called an Old Fart
This kit is so cool
You will not look a fool
And now I am helping them breed!!
July 11th, 2010 at 11:32 am
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept chipping balls in a bucket
But each time he aimed
He missed and exclaimed
” I SHOULD HAVE PLAYED BADMINTON – FIDDLESTICKS”
July 11th, 2010 at 10:53 am
There once was a golfer named tiger
who admiited to being a philander
he crashed his car
getting away from her
But I bet they never will find her!
Or
I once bought a trolley from Go-Kart
that was missing the swithch to start
So I logged onto their site
and explained my plight
and they immediatey sent me the part!
FOC too :-)
July 11th, 2010 at 10:43 am
Golfers problems are always the same
Missed short putts and hooked drives get the blame
Eighteen holes from White Tees
Bring some to their knees
So a GoKart should transform their game.
July 11th, 2010 at 10:41 am
At St Andrew’s they’ll do battle for 4 rounds
For the Jug and 850,000 pounds
Maybe Westwod, Casey or Poulter
Could nail it if Tiger does falter
As he spends too much time out of bounds!
July 11th, 2010 at 10:35 am
There was a man not using a GoKart
Always known in the club as an old fart
But the jeers turned to laughter
When he had a disaster
As the whole thing just fell apart
July 11th, 2010 at 10:24 am
There was a young man with a brolly
Playing golf in the rain with his trolley
He’d just holed in one
Celebrations begun
But it cost him a whole lot of lolly
(Patrick)
July 11th, 2010 at 10:08 am
There was a young golfer called Bradley
Who wanted a picture quite badly
He took lots of time
To come up with a rhyme
But he just couldn’t get the hang of it
July 11th, 2010 at 9:30 am
Why is it when playing this game,
Consecutive shots aren’t the same.
It’s a hook or a slice
You are caught in a vice
Golf’s a monster you never will tame.
I golfer from Brighton & Hove
Was a most peculiar cove
He would to take to his bed,
His pet club, just the head,
After warming it first on the stove.
July 11th, 2010 at 9:07 am
A bag carrying golfer named Zack
Had a problem with a twinge in his back
He bought a Go Kart
Oh boy was he smart
And goodbye to that twinge in his back !
July 11th, 2010 at 8:47 am
I am determined to win this contest
It will be difficult having read all the rest
But perhaps If I send three
I will gain sympathy
And one of them will be judged as the best
July 11th, 2010 at 8:40 am
A limerick about golf to compose
Isnt so hard to do I suppose
But there are much better poets than me
As you can all probably see
So I give up and leave it to those!
July 11th, 2010 at 8:34 am
I would recommend the GoKart Trollee
As the finest you ever could see
When its put to the test
It beats all the rest
I hope this arse licking wins it for me!
July 11th, 2010 at 8:14 am
If you want to stay slim
Dont go to the gym
A GoKart is what you need
And in it’s top speed
You’ll find you need to be nifty
And run like linford Christie
July 11th, 2010 at 8:10 am
There are geese, on our course, every day
And their poop causes us much dismay
Could you invent a part
To stick on the cart
And scare the bastards away?
July 11th, 2010 at 7:44 am
I admit when I play the air’s blue
And the GoKart gets it from my shoe
I swear and I cough
And some bits fall off
And I stick ‘em back on with some glue
July 11th, 2010 at 7:32 am
To the eyes of this girls golf reporter
It seems skirts are now very much shorter
‘cos when they bend to the cup
to pick the ball up
you can often see more than you oughter
July 11th, 2010 at 7:27 am
its a great prize
July 11th, 2010 at 12:22 am
A pal of mine lived on the Med
Who rarely got out of his bed
An intro to Go Kart
Just gave him a kick start
He now plays golf daily instead.
July 11th, 2010 at 12:09 am
There once was a GoKarter named Slattery
Who was prone to a spot of tree clattery
Shots struck with great force
Finished up way off course
And he needed a 36 hole battery!
July 10th, 2010 at 10:38 pm
I dreamt my go kart got broke
it nearly went up in smoke
so when i spoke to the maker
he said i no your no faker
i will go make you a new one with more poke
July 10th, 2010 at 10:25 pm
There was a golfer whose trolley was state of the art
He played off scratch
Never lost a match
Cos he was wise enough to choose a GoKart
July 10th, 2010 at 9:30 pm
There was a young golfer from Portugal
Who’s game proved rather nautical
If a course had a lake
He became very awake
His trolley now has water wings
July 10th, 2010 at 8:59 pm
A golfer called George from Dorset
Decided a Pink Kart he’d get
It changed him alas
From a lad to a lass
Now he plays in the mixed as Susette
July 10th, 2010 at 8:50 pm
Dick Turpin’s old nag Black Bess
Got bored cantering to Inverness
So she got him a trolley
But it was a folly
As Dick couldn’t ride saddle-less
July 10th, 2010 at 8:34 pm
In Go-Kart’s letter , the latest edition
They announced a limerick competition
I’d love to have a go
But my wife has said no
And I always need her permission
July 10th, 2010 at 8:28 pm
A friend who has got a Go-Kart
Decided to take it apart
He took out the sprocket
I knew he would cock it
And now the damn thing will not start
Apologies to Go-Kart, this is pure fantasy
July 10th, 2010 at 7:27 pm
There was a young man from Dundee
who bought a GoKart in a spree
Now it gets him round so fast
that unlike his games in the past
he doesn’t have to stop for a pee!
July 10th, 2010 at 6:52 pm
A Scotsman from far Glen Ardu
Played golf in his kilt, it is true
He knew it was foreign
With his balls in his sporran
And a GoKart in tartan, the noo !
With his GoKart a man with a cough,
In the woods caught a wheel on a bough,
I know it won’t rhyme,
Though the spelling is fine,
But that’s life which we know can be tough
July 10th, 2010 at 6:43 pm
Over the Sea is the Place to be
In Ireland where you would agree is the Emerald indeed,
I took my Go-kart for them to see
In green it went from car to Tee
They say for Sure for Sure, it can’t be
Such a compact Trolley with so much power & plenty of speed.
July 10th, 2010 at 6:12 pm
A chap with a Go-Kart in Gower
Decided he wanted more power
It made him so fast
Going from first tee-off to last
That he missed the halfway house by an hour !
July 10th, 2010 at 5:58 pm
1
“A GoKart I must have.” said Holly,
“A bright shade of green would be jolly,
It’s easy to fold,
And so nice to hold,
With a place on it just for my brolly. ”
2 ( a bit naughty )
A GoKart proud owner in hope,
Up the skirt of a girl had a grope,
But on garter so frail,
He found written in braille,
” Keep your ruddy great hands off you dope “
July 10th, 2010 at 5:57 pm
A golfer who lived in Devizes
Used balls of different sizes
One was quite small
And no good at all
But the other won various prizes
An exciting young player from Kent
Had a putter most curiously bent
When he lined up a put
He stuck out his butt
Which appealed to a nearby gay gent
July 10th, 2010 at 5:47 pm
We know an old Golfer at Killiow
Whose demeanour was getting harder to swallow
We told him to buy himself a Kart
Now he is just an old fart
But his outlook is now more mellow
(This chap is well known to you all, Mr David Marriage, Killiow Golf Club)
July 9th, 2010 at 2:15 pm
The trolleys decided lets race
but couldn’t keep up with the pace
of the GO KART in red
who left them for dead
to own any other’s a waste
there’s more of this tale to be told
just listen and i’ll be so bold
on hills up and down
the GO KART has the crown
chu ching , that’s another one sold
July 8th, 2010 at 4:34 pm
Two golfers discussing a rule
Each called the other a fool
It came to a head
When one was found dead
By nine irons at dawn in a duel.
and,
A golfer named Sandy from Kent
Caused havoc wherever she went
She made awful scenes
Took divots from greens
Her ticket to OZ was well spent.
GW, Kirkham (spookily accurate)
July 8th, 2010 at 10:34 am
Pursued by police through Stranraer,
My GoKart was quickest by far.
I’ve since used it three times
To commit other crimes:
What a great getaway car!
July 7th, 2010 at 10:50 pm
I bought a new kart to play golf
and went out for a round with my Rolf
after eighteen holes he shot sixty-nine
this was fine from this fella of mine
I was in a terrible sweat
being a life-long miser
he was going to take my fiver
but I shot sixty-eight so sorry Rolf mate
I still owe him one and that should be fun
July 7th, 2010 at 2:44 pm
Attempt 1:
A man had a GoKart in black
It was purchased to protect his back
It works very well
His buddies can tell
He now hits the ball with a ‘thwack!!!’
Attempt 2:
A man bought his GoKart to Sutton
His friends were amused with the button
They altered the speed
And not taking heed
It flew into the trees at the bottom.
July 7th, 2010 at 10:42 am
A lad named Tiger was warm,
For checking out girls and their form,
His wife found out,
And gave him a clout,
And he crashed his car out on the lawn.
(from Sean)
July 7th, 2010 at 12:13 am
A fabulous GoKart in Green
On the golf course was often seen
It stood out from the rest
T’was obviously the best
And now their breeding I’ve seen umpteen.
July 6th, 2010 at 9:54 am
There was a man from Dumfries,
Who had such nobbly knees,
He needed a trolley,
To keep him from folly,
“A GoKart!” He said – if you please?
(courtesy of the Courgette)
(really)